Wednesday, December 26, 2012

the Unsent Emails..

So one day me and the guy im trying to get over had this conversation on what im looking for in a guy, you know relationship type qualities. I had started off saying some shit but couldnt word it properly so he said to email it to him. I said fine.So i wrote it but never sent it and its sitting with four other emails that i wanted to send to him. It would've been 5 but i got caught up in writing it and hit send instead of save like i always do.

Unfortunately that was the email of me confessing my feelings for him in all its condensed straight forward glory. even used the 'L" word.... yea he didnt/doesnt feel the same, hence the whole me getting over him bit..

But yea these are the emails:

(1) Ideal Person
so I was just going back over what we talked about concerning the ideal person or "soulmate", its not that I have someone set in mind but its someone that I wouldnt mind having that possibility with in the future should we ever get that far. but you know theres always room for change in feelings, kind of in uncharted waters with the whole idea. in terms of characteristics, like I told you its someone who I can be myself around, i'm changing the whole laughing bit to someone who I can have fun with, somebody who I can joke around with but still have our serious moments. I cant deal with high maintenance needy people who cant think or do for themselves, you gotta be able to stand on your feet and use your head but not be afraid to talk or ask for help when its needed. I like someone who's comfortable with himself, knows what hes aiming for in life or at least has something of a goal set in mind. I think that pretty much cuts it for now, being a good listener, trustworthy, reliable and respectful of personal space and silence is also a good thing.

(2) VDay
so go with all this vday hype i'm gonna give you another small confession about my feelings towards you - the main reason why I keep coming back. its not because of all the physical stuff or the intensity that I find with no one else but you, but really the comfort that I get while being in your arms, which led to a whole bunch of "firsts" with you:
you're the first guy I initiated a kiss with, the first guy whose house I slept over, the first guy I slow danced with (if you remember that), the one and so far only guy that I would get out of bed for at 2 in the morning, the only one I would walk up & down guy r brewer (in heels) for at 430 in the morning lol, the only guy who I blatantly told "i like you" from the get go.
and as of late you are the only guy who, after getting past all my insecurities and internal musings of my own feelings, I was able to stare back into his eyes without minding the feeling of being extremely exposed at you seeing everything I was trying to hide. so if you were wondering about it now you know the beginnings of it...
so I hope you enjoyed this and let out that big sappy "aww" and yes ill accept being called soft for this :p

(3) Sweet Things You Do
here I am laying in bed thinking about you and the random sweet things that you say or do to me like when you asked me "can I keep you?" I melted a little inside, did you know that it is my favorite movie line of all time? it was from the casper movie with christina ricci and it was so sweet with them dancing in the air and him whispering it to her in her ear. and when you said it to me unknowing of that fact, I was just extremely happy. and when you made the remark about you being happy about the way I turned out after my past "relationships" or that no one else sees that soft side of me like when we cuddle, little things like that make smile when im with you. its little things like that make me want to stay with you and want to spread sweet, soft, slow kisses all over you.

(4) Whats Behind the Kiss
one time you asked me what do I see when I kiss you and I told you that I see a full moon, stars, and a bunch of trees. and you thought I was making it up but I wasn't. my safe place, my place of peace, my getaway, my escape from it all is envisioning myself lying in a field in middle of a park/forest under a night sky filled with stars and a full moon. so me kissing you just reminded of all that and aside from the intense pleasure there is the feeling of being safe with you.

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