just venting for a bit...
I was going to save this title as another philosophical mornings post but after this last thing with 'him' i felt that it needed to be done,
i spoke on feeling like being avoided from him before, i spoke on letting him go before, i spoke of the stages that i went through, i even spoke on how hard it was to go through these stages, and i spoke on how things were over the year when i started things back up with him.
Have i spoke to him about leaving him before.. yes
did i lay out the underlying causes.. no
did he say he would stop me from leaving and come after me.. yes
am i feeling that now.. absolutely not
We've had our moments and they were great moments but im feeling like after that whole define what you think love is (choice or undeniabl feeling.. the first philosophical mornings post) I think he felt some type of way and ive been left in the dark as to what. I know he doesnt love me per se (im not that blinded by my own heart to see what isnt there), and maybe there is someone out there he does want but wont admit it to. But i know that those kind of feelings arent for me.
What i do know is that things are majorly awkward between us (or i could just be imagining it). For ex: I sign onto FB while hes on, he signs off a few seconds later.. NEGRO I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU... SHEESH!
Look im focused on me and doing what i have to do with my life right now. I have fuck buddies to replace him. I just wont let myself get attached. He was the only on that ive gotten so attached to in a long time. and while i love the jerk wholeheartedly, i know when to cut my losses and stop stretching shit out.
and right now is that moment.
I will not be entering the new year with 'his' baggage and i would like it if we came to a mutual parting.
Sigh, thats a conversation im not looking forward to.