(wrote this the other day but i guess i never posted it...)
Sitting here in dunkin, back to the customers, facing the window and my heart aches at being here, ALONE, as usual. it shouldn't surprise me anymore, it shouldn't hurt so much anymore, it shouldn't effect me as much as anymore... but it does.
and i'm confused by these feelings of negativity and loneliness. and then i'm plagued with thoughts of him making everything seem so much worse.
i don't even get why i'm pining after the guy when i know what i know, why i suffer in silence, or why the hell it matters anymore. and then the answer is so clear that i hate it...
i curse the day i figured out the capacity to love someone, to love another as more than family, as more than a friend. the day i learned to divest such strong emotions in people that never feel the same. it can be such a useless and trivial emotion driving us to do the wildest things in our imagination.
All this from a voice among the brokenhearted...
I wish i wasn't like that anymore, i wish i was among the masses that has had their feelings returned. instead i hide behind a cool indifference.
its what i know