So i was with the bestie's the other day and kizz n I ended up talking about him. and why they havent met yet.
its been 3 years...
Of course I talk about him to them cause at times i dont know what to do or even why i still stick around but the answer is pretty simple, that all these ups & downs, feelings of letting go but wanting to stick around, is because i love him despite all the downsides.
She pretty much has no feelings what so ever towards him but is willing to tolerate his existence because like i said for some odd reason i love him. He already has so many black marks in her books but she doesnt understand and does understand. And for that im grateful. as much as i wouldnt let a guy get in between us, i want us to all be cool with each other despite how things have started.
lord knows i would never choose a guy over my friends or family, that just isnt me. and i would never stick with someone to spite them either. i want to be with him because he make me happy and if they cant see that then thats fine.
i dont aim to please anyone and everyone.
yea hes a sweet guy but we could be so much further than we are if he would just open his eyes. but i wont push him. he has to see it on his. if ive learned something in life about men it is that. they do not like to be pushed in a direction nor being told where to go or what to do do, they must find the realization on their own. a few subtle, helpful hints along the way is useful, but nothing direct and forceful when it comes to big decisions.
so i will sit back and bide my time just a little bit longer before i really let go.
a girl can only wait but for so long and i will not end up being stuck in a loop going nowhere with him.
i cant keep doing that to myself.