Consisted of gettin outta bed ah 3 sumtin inna di mawnin and adhering to the whims of "Him" and his necessity to see me at an indecent hour knowing my alarm goes off for work at 6 (mind you im always late for work lol)
as usual i try to put him out of my mind and just when i think im ready to let go he comes in and says/does something that makes me stay jsut a little bit longer. Half the time i dont know why im trying or what im even trying for anymore.
He says i make him smile
He says he really likes me, like he had to assure me of the fact, that despite the lack of everything he really likes me ::shrug:: obviously
he makes the time when he can, granted not at normal hours, but he makes an effort.
but (and of course there's a but) there is no consistency, we will go weeks to months without speaking.. some days i'm fine with it, other days i find myself waking up at 2,3,4 o'clock in the morning wishing i wasn't sleeping alone, wishing that he would answer a text, but life's not about getting what we want....
i am trying to hold myself back from him because it makes no sense to give him my all when i'm getting less than half in return...
but this man is not making it easy for me at all
feel like i should change the title of this posts, but no matter what mixed feelings he invokes in me afterwards, my time spent with him is always good aside from that one morning where he is still going to apologize for for quite a while
(called me at 3 to take a cab to his parents house.. mind you it's a 10 min walk away... so i walk, get there he doesnt answer his phone, i wait 20 min callin, as im getting ready to leave his sis comes home and lets me in, i go hes knocked, i ask if he wants me to stay he says no.. of course my feelings were hurt.. a few tears dropped but i was alright... walked home, left him a lovely detailed text message thanking him for the invite and aforementioned events... he called i declined, he left a message apologizing explaining that he was drunk -____- now of course i was like yea sure, ok.. called him back in about an hour or so cause that was how much time out of my sleep i wasted, let him still feel bad he deserves it... though he still cant believe that he said that he didnt want me to stay.. well good cause neither could i)