2013... Goals

School:

• Get References 
• Retake Psych GRE
• Apply for Grad School
• Maybe find intersnhip in counseling

Hair

• Try to reach shoulder length at the sides/ chin-neck length in the front/ between shoulder blades on the back by April/May-ish
• Work on curl definition
• Get more creative with hair styles

Work

• most definitely FIND A NEW JOB
• if not, then find an overnight 

Life

• get myself together
• rid myself of old feelings or talk to him for closure

ASOM Designs

• Should be up and ready to deliver by June/July

Poem: it Lights the dark

the secrets hide in daytime
the night knows all
in the absence of the light
its sees, feels, and hears everything
it knows so much
while we understand so little
contemplating everything in existence
it knows the aches of all the suffering
the pain of the frustrations
the secrets hide in daytime
behind hollow eyes and fake smiles
shallow hearts and vapid minds
the secrets hide in daytime

Virgo Sign of Falling/Being in Love

Virgo: You Daydream - You begin thinking about the future with this person. Your imagination creates vivid scenarios of romantic getaways, cozy chats, exciting adventures, and feel-good moments. 
(via Tumblr)

very true for me!

Gavin DeGraw A Change is Gonna Come

So I have a Gavin Degraw stationon pandora.. his voice serenades me every day and i love it. but the first time i heard this song my heart skipped a beat and i fell in love with his voice all over again. he had me with "i dont wanna be" the theme song to one tree hill but i was sold with this rendition. every time this comes on its a moment of silence for me and my radio tun up!

With time...

how do you go about ridding yourself of your feelings for someone?

i mean, when he told me he didnt feel the same i was like, yea ok thats fine. because i already knew that he didnt feel the same. i was just confused by his actions and some of the things he said. i let myself read more into it, gave it deeper meaning than he meant to.

i know that mistakes happen, but giving your heart or at least trying to give your heart to someone is never a mistake. you just had enough bravery and courage to give them power to hurt you even though you wished that they never did.

no one really knows the 'power' love holds.. we know it makes us do crazy things, say stuff we dont mean, make a blind to things we dont wish to see... but a love on equal grounds, a love that stands test after test, a love that is open.. can be so beautiful, powerful, and mesmerizing... but nowadays no one is willing to work for that kind of love anymore.

i am willing to try as long as i am given the chance... but right now i jsut want to start fresh. i want to ease out of this heartache, i want to purge my thoughts of him, i want to do a lot of things but it wouldnt do me any good. for it was times with him that i realized a lot of things that i want but never knew i did, a lot of things that i will do for the one i love, and also a lot of things being embraced by someone else.

so with time, all good things will come...
i guess

Side Note

i relize i do a lot of writing not just in one place, but a notepad, my phone, online, scraps of paper... its inconsistent and all over the place... just like my thoughts.

i am never stuck on something for too long or in the same place for so long either. its hard to keep track of evverything and keep it in one place, let alone keep it in order. and even then i dont date my thoughts. i dont know why, but the dates never seemed as important as my feelings.

i just know that there was a period in my mind, a period in my heart where i felt a certain way and those emotions consumed me, they moved me in ways that overwhelmed my being, in ways that i could only understand by putting it on paper.

it seemed so much better when those words were formed in ink. so much more concrete and resolute in its firmness. but it made everything so real. i captured it in the raw, in the height of everything that i felt, and it felt good. no matter the direction of the emotion, it always good to just get it out in some way.

ive been trying not to let things get bottled up as they do but old habits die hard.

Something bout my Hair Journey

With all the work ive been putting into my hair lately and all the research and  blog following ive been doing... ive realized how little effort i put into at the beginning of my journey. Sure i took care of it but did i really givr it the full attention it deserved.

Going natural when i did, was like the start of this whole natural movement or as i like to call it a 'black hair revolution' and it was a bit harder cause everything was still somewhat new. Now we have stores with shelves stocked full of these natural and so called 'organic' products. And more naturals coming out of the wood works...

Hell i've had friends watching me througout my whole journey and now they are embarking on their own but with the help of blogs and some advice from me. Im glad to share what ive learned... and thats pretty much that no ones hair is the same, it grows differently, curls differently, takes to products differently... you just need the time and patience to care for it.

Looking back from the first products i used to use to know... a lot a has changed. Im more conscious of ingredients,  i dont buy oil mixtures anymore i buy separately and make my own, i dont just use shea butter/whipped shea butter alone anymore, i finger detangle, i wash in sections, i pre-poo, i dont keep to schedule but do treatments & trims when its needed.

So pretty much a lot has changed in two years

Naughty Naughty...

Gotta say those random staircases that no one uses or the fire exit that no one knows about does come in pretty handy.. and when i first learned about them, oh yeah i put them to good use!

So it all started the spring semester when i started i went from 1 - 7 partners and i gues i was coming in to my own sexual freedom after dealing with the same person on and off for those three years. I wish he wasn't my first but i was comfortable with him and it just felt like the right time to do it...

If you havent noticed im not talking with him anymore... i saw just how much i was missing out when i was with him. but like i said i stayed out of comfort. i really should've known better..

but yeah, im fine with my sexuality, i embrace it, i flirt, i tease, i just dont voice what i want.. and what i want is a pounding that will leave me sore for days, hair pulling, neck biting, a few scratches here and there and most definitely some spanking....

I want someone who who knows my spots and exploits them, someone who leaves me breathless and gives me kisses that make me forget everything...

i got a little of everything from different people but not everything in one person..
I want someone to give me kisses that leave me shaking like O, someone thick like Mar (wink wink); long like Bra, someone who knows my spots like Jos, someone who'll go down and be rough on me like Just...

Ive been a good girl lately, only pleasuring myself as i see fit...

But yeah, Justin did me good today... And its been over 6 months since i had someone do me like that.. (nov. J doesnt count.. story for another time)

Dear Future Lover...

Gotta Luv Them Days!

.. when you wake up feeling good. like all the weight you been carrying around for days just seems lighter or you can finally see the brighter side of things, like everything will be alright.

... when you wake up feeling refreshed, like you caught the best nights sleep ever even though you went to sleep at your normal late hours or just went to sleep early cause all those late nights finally caught up to you.

...when you wake up singing a tune that you haven't heard in awhile and you iPod seems to pick up on your good mood and just plays good songs straight through your morning travels and and you don't even have to skip over anything.

... when you wake up to a random good morning text, that just makes you smile. they even wish you to have a good day, and that just makes you smile brighter.

... seriously gotta luv them days when you wake up with a skip in your step and a lightness on your chest, a tune on your lips, and a shine on your aura.

Poem: Familial Dispute

So i was mad about the gift (a little) more so on my mothers comment:

I want to shout out in anger
Scream obscenties
and tell truths
about myself
about you
I want to vent my frustrations
I need to speak out vexations
I have to let it out
before it consumes me
before you think its okay
to let me feel
unsure of myself
tormented by your opinion
flustered by your attutidue
its not okay for me to be this way
its not okay for me to feel this hate
and dislike
for family
the words spewing out of your mouth
are tasteless
and leave no room to remedy
its effects on my being
I am hurt
I am sad
I perplexed iwth my emotions
Feel free to let up on your opinions
Or continue to bash my being
in jest

ah my mother, didnt like the fact that i didnt like how she joked in calling me an 'alcoholic' well tuff! not everything is rainbows and butterflies

the Unsent Emails..

So one day me and the guy im trying to get over had this conversation on what im looking for in a guy, you know relationship type qualities. I had started off saying some shit but couldnt word it properly so he said to email it to him. I said fine.So i wrote it but never sent it and its sitting with four other emails that i wanted to send to him. It would've been 5 but i got caught up in writing it and hit send instead of save like i always do.

Unfortunately that was the email of me confessing my feelings for him in all its condensed straight forward glory. even used the 'L" word.... yea he didnt/doesnt feel the same, hence the whole me getting over him bit..

But yea these are the emails:

(1) Ideal Person
so I was just going back over what we talked about concerning the ideal person or "soulmate", its not that I have someone set in mind but its someone that I wouldnt mind having that possibility with in the future should we ever get that far. but you know theres always room for change in feelings, kind of in uncharted waters with the whole idea. in terms of characteristics, like I told you its someone who I can be myself around, i'm changing the whole laughing bit to someone who I can have fun with, somebody who I can joke around with but still have our serious moments. I cant deal with high maintenance needy people who cant think or do for themselves, you gotta be able to stand on your feet and use your head but not be afraid to talk or ask for help when its needed. I like someone who's comfortable with himself, knows what hes aiming for in life or at least has something of a goal set in mind. I think that pretty much cuts it for now, being a good listener, trustworthy, reliable and respectful of personal space and silence is also a good thing.

(2) VDay
so go with all this vday hype i'm gonna give you another small confession about my feelings towards you - the main reason why I keep coming back. its not because of all the physical stuff or the intensity that I find with no one else but you, but really the comfort that I get while being in your arms, which led to a whole bunch of "firsts" with you:

you're the first guy I initiated a kiss with, the first guy whose house I slept over, the first guy I slow danced with (if you remember that), the one and so far only guy that I would get out of bed for at 2 in the morning, the only one I would walk up & down guy r brewer (in heels) for at 430 in the morning lol, the only guy who I blatantly told "i like you" from the get go.

and as of late you are the only guy who, after getting past all my insecurities and internal musings of my own feelings, I was able to stare back into his eyes without minding the feeling of being extremely exposed at you seeing everything I was trying to hide. so if you were wondering about it now you know the beginnings of it...

so I hope you enjoyed this and let out that big sappy "aww" and yes ill accept being called soft for this :p

(3) Sweet Things You Do

here I am laying in bed thinking about you and the random sweet things that you say or do to me like when you asked me "can I keep you?" I melted a little inside, did you know that it is my favorite movie line of all time? it was from the casper movie with christina ricci and it was so sweet with them dancing in the air and him whispering it to her in her ear. and when you said it to me unknowing of that fact, I was just extremely happy. and when you made the remark about you being happy about the way I turned out after my past "relationships" or that no one else sees that soft side of me like when we cuddle, little things like that make smile when im with you. its little things like that make me want to stay with you and want to spread sweet, soft, slow kisses all over you.

(4) Whats Behind the Kiss
one time you asked me what do I see when I kiss you and I told you that I see a full moon, stars, and a bunch of trees. and you thought I was making it up but I wasn't. my safe place, my place of peace, my getaway, my escape from it all is envisioning myself lying in a field in middle of a park/forest under a night sky filled with stars and a full moon. so me kissing you just reminded of all that and aside from the intense pleasure there is the feeling of being safe with you.

my brothers gift..

a fucking flask...

Jokes for days...

but its a fucking flask...

Let me tell you why, its a bitter love/hate thing. it was a little over 2 years ago for a friends 21st bday party ( a few days before my own) that i got drunk, blacked out on my mothers couch, and some point threw up on it and her rug.

Ok, that was then and i really dont have a taste for liquor anymore but i still drink socially (meaning not all that often cause i dont have much of a social life) and this woman will not let that one night go..

Every time, she's around me and we're drinking. its always "this girl is an alcoholic" or if we're with my aunts and my aunt is making us drinks she'll be like "watch her" and i cant stand that shit.

 its pisses me off and i cant even enjoy drinking anymore because of her.

So i had one drunken.. so fucking what.
I got over it and its about time she fucking did.

So with that being said you know what she said when my brother brought out the flask and you know with them repeating it, its kind of hard to appreciate the creativity and thoughtfulness of the gift when it represents everything that both irritates and annoys me.

yesterdays eventfulness...

Went to Church with the bestie.. not overly religious and its like a miracle to get me into the place on my own. I just dont fell it necessary to have to leave the comfort of my bed to get dressed to sit and be bored for two hours listening to someone else's view on scripture...

Honestly, thats what school is for only there is less yelling

But yesterday i was brought to tears when they asked us to pray for ourselves. And they did this after we had a conversation with God. to praise Him. i dont know what it was but i think it had to do with me always watching out for everyone and ignoring my problems, that to take those few minutes to focus on me and my wants and needs was a bit much for me.

And i cried... not like full blown tears and dry heaving with boogers down my nose.. i held that shit in. but really i just wanted to breakdown right then and there. I guess i'm so oblivious to my own self that i never really considered what i actually wanted.

i didn't pray for financial success, i din't pray for anything materialistic, i pray for guidance, i prayed for Him to guide me on the right path, i prayed for whatever trials He's set forth to make me a better person, i prayed for Him to heal my heart, I prayed for Him to help me in doing what he believes is best for me, i prayed for His strength to help me in dealing with all that he has set forth for me...

I prayed and I cried... cause i never really thing about myself that way

end of the year blues

i dont know what itvis but im not really feeling things this holiday season, its been thatvway for like a year or two now. im just not in the spirit.

::shrug::

i dont know if its the idea that im entering the new alone again, or not having anyone to celebrate with, or if its just the sameness that gets to me...

i just know that im not happy hell when they put up xecorations in the office i get down right pissed of with all things xmas... new years is welcomed  with me in bed watching the ball drop or just locked in my room with depressing thoughts...

::sigh::

the outward appearance does not match the inner turmoil... i look like i dont carebut really i do

:-(

Why Tho?...

I miss him something fierce lately and its not healthy in the least bit!

At least not in my book. We don't talk, text, or write... so why? Why can't i get him out of my head? why does his face repeatedly cross my mind? why does his name make hard attempts at escaping my closed lips? why wont my heart just let him go?

I know its not good. this... obsession... that i have. the fact that i am calling it an obsession out loud is more than enough for me to know that its not right in the least bit. I feel like an up and coming stalker but i am making no moves past checking his fb (to look at his face to appease my emptiness).

again, so not healthy!

I WANT HIM... KIND OF NEED HIM IN MY EVERYDAY... (or not)

::sigh::

i feel so pathetic, its not even funny. i get stuck feeling these great feelings and no one is there to reciprocate it. no one wants me back

::sigh:: 

PATHETIC!

i can say that one day it will get returned, i can say that all this waiting will be for something... but im starting to believe it less and less lately

::sigh::

Poem: Sometimes I cry

They fall silently
tracing paths along my face
They feel hot
and grow cold
As most feelings do
They drip down
Forgotten
as they fall
that first tear
When did it fall
When did it become so much to bear
So much to hide
That the only way to show it
To show the pain
The unbearable ache within my chest
Was through these salty tears
Is it impossible to live forever
In those minute moments of happiness
Why must the reality of the everyday make itself know
Make my loneliness
Make my missing you
A beacon in the haze of my 'existing'
its overwhelming to know
that i am only going through the motions
Monotonous and tired in its sameness
I am tired
and scared
and alone
I am vulnerable
and desperate
tormented and unsure
In those moments
....I cry

Feeling....Lost

Its nothing new, I've been feeling like this for a while. i dont know  which direction im heading in on the road im taking i just know what i want my destination to be.

However, its taking me a while to find my resolve and plan the steps for it. I know what i want to do and how i should do it but my drive to get things started is gone.

Its like i need to find myself all over again.

And i dont want to take that route... i changed my hair, my attitude, my perspective.. and im comfortable in my skin, but what am i changing now?

My heart is just not into anything anymore.. and try as i might to ignore and deny its still stuck on one person.

I guess bffle was right when she said i needed to get him out of my system. And as much as i say i am over him, i guess its still not completely true in its entirety. What i feel (how i wish i could say felt right now) for im is nothing compared to what i felt for my first love.

its so much more.

I have days when i can go without thinking about him, moments where i forget my feelings, but times like this.. holiday seasons, nights alone, and i just wish i could go back to those couple hours spent in his bed, wrapped in his arms, with his lips on mine...

Wishful thinking gets me nowhere...

Its like im torturing myself over and over again knowing that we cant get back to that no matter how much i wish we could, but i need this time alone to figure myself out, maybe more time out of school maybe just time needed away from here... from all that reminds me of him.

Hair Challenges!

So i joined a hair challenge for Hairandhealth.blogspot.com and KinkyCurlyCoilyMe... The first being a 1in3 challenge, grow hair 1 inch in 3 months and the second being a three month castor oil challenge. Now with protective styles and such and not doing any high manipulation styles, i've noticed how much my hair has been growing lately.

I didn't measure my hair for the 1in3 challenge but the KCCMcastoroil challenge i did. and so far i've grown a half inch to an inch all around my head. to say i'm happy and excited is an understatement.

Virgo Quote

Virgonian ‏@VirgoNation

#Virgo stands on the edge of the deep waters of love, analysing the pros and cons before they dive in.

::Yea that's prettty much my approach before i even admit it to myself let alone the other person. But even then i'm deep in the waters alone and stay that way cause i realize that i'm the only one feeling that way unfortunately.... until i'm able to swim back towards the shore... sitting on the dock keeping my feet wet until next time::

Yea.. No

So, theres a guy i've been chatting it up with for the past two weeks or so. known him since 7th grade (yea another person from way back when) and converations were ok. he brought up a double date for his roommate to get out and meet people and i said sure why not i would just bring my bffle kizzy along and that would be that.

That  was until i met up with him yesterday...

See, i'm not a shallow or vain person, looks don't get me, i'm not into superficial personalities, im not high maintenance, myself so i don't expect it in others.. but Kyle was a complete no after he open his mouth!

Honestly his whole appearance and voice did not match. It looked like he didn't change much from JHS except he was a little thicker but his voice sounded like that of a kid who didn't finish going through puberty and reminded me of david (aka Gay-vid) from HS.

Harsh but the truth.

We were talking and all i could do was try not to laugh at how he sounded but with Kizz and Cordero around, i couldn't help it. Eben they said he sounded like a pubescent gay kid. or some kid who got kicked in the balls but the pain never left his voice.

Damn...

The one thing that blew the whole deal off for me was the fact that he couldn't hold the dominoes properly... once i saw that i was done.

Honestly, we cant be friends!

Sigh...

And i couldn't help comparing him to Josue...
All i thought was Kyle was a complete downgrade... like super ultimate type downgrade

so... back to the drawing board on both accounts =/

Decisions

So i graduated in May and I decided to take a year off of school because really, i've been going straight since Kindergarten and i needed a highly overdue break from the educational system

dont worry i plan to go back. i want my masters or doctorate in counseling.
I have my primary schools that i want to attend (queens - masters, or hofstra - PsyD) and i have my backup (brooklyn - masters, cuny grad - PhD)

and then theres my random ass backup for when all else fails.... Massage Therapy
Yea, random i know but hey go with what you're good at. And I'm awesome at massages. lol

But its just lately i've been feeling stuck and lost and i just dont know what to do with myself. I have my mind set on grad school but im not making any moves other than the GRE to get in. I scheduled apppointments to open houses and grad fairs but i didnt go. I spoke with my old prof/advisor about internships... still have yet to email the lady she told me about. I dont even have references other than her and my supervisors.

Im just not into it.

Hell im stuck in a job ive been trying to get out of for a while now.

I need a change and its been a long time coming.

The Date..

Yea i said it. i had first date finally!
(whoo hooo!)

It was good too. We got drinks (sangria! my fave) shared dessert (brownie sundae), talked laughed and watched a good movie (red dawn).

And I was completely comfortable with him. I didn't have to hide behind a mask, I could be myself.

It was great.

But i didn't feel anything for him.

Let me explain who he is. He is a guy that i went to elementary school with and surprisingly we have the same intials, first middle and last lol. We get along great and yea i did have a crush on him back then and he admitted to having on one me also a few years ago. Lately we've been texting back and forth for the past couple of weeks and its cool. i get my morning texts from him and its always something different but pretty much meaning the same thing "good morning beautiful" or john lennons "good morning starshine"

i like sweet things like that. he'll text me throughout the day, asking how its going, listening to me vent my frustrations about work and home, asking me about my writing and my small business that i want to set up. Its nice that i have someone so interested in me for a change.

But i dont feel the same way

Maybe I'm still hung up on Josue, maybe not.
Maybe I've just outgrown the crush i had on him so long ago

Still, i don't feel anything romantic for him..
maybe he could be a new lollipop as my girl Thania calls them.

I dont know.
he's just not the one i want right now
but then again im not even sure what i want anymore

Super Cleansing Shampoo

Black Soap is good for dry, itchy scalp as well as Aloe Vera Gel and Apple Cider Vinegar. This isn't my first time using this mixture, actually its my third. And my scalp really appreciates its after my 2- or 3-week twist sessions. 

In an applicator bottle, mix

• 1 ounce Aloe Vera Gel
• 1 ounce African Black Soap (I used Shea Moisture)
• 2 capfulls Apple Cider Vinegar
• You can add oils if you like, but i didn't this time cause of the hot oil treatment i did before shampooing.

while hair is in sections, wet hair first, then apply the mixture directly onto scalp. Rub it using your fingertips giving yourself a good head message! (pause), don't want to irritate your scalp too much with your nails. 

This mixture is enough to shampoo your hair twice. The first time around i just focused on getting my scalp clean, not paying to much to my edges. The second time around i paid more attention to the edges than anything else. 

Because of the dark color of the black soap you'll know once you've rinsed it all out. The water will stop being brown, lol.

Condition/Deep Condition afterwards then style as usual.

Three Strand Twist Hair Tutorial

Gonna try my hand at three strand twists.. my hair is long enough now so it should come out fine hopefully!

Time to Go!

Yep, like i said in my previous post.. it really is time to move out!

Especially after today with my mom... we really can't co-habitate anymore!

I need my own space now. I dont need someone breathing down my neck for shit that im not even there for or crap that they can learn to do for themselves.

My mother calls me mean, selfish, and many other things and really i could do without all the hostility at the house.

Its not even a home to me.

I just cant anymore. I just want to be on my own.

If my mother were to ask me if i wwanted to me out today.. i would say YES!
Wholeheartedly and undoubtedly YES.

I've outgrown living with my mother... its time for me to be on my own.
Let me worry about my own rent. Let me worry about my own utilities. Let me worry about just being me!

Sigh....

So frustrated.

Poem: Love the Life you Live

Can you look back from this point in time,
And admit that you regret nothing?
I can…
I am proud of the fact that I had my heart broken,
Because it means that I was not afraid to love
Because it means that I’ve experienced sharing my heart with someone
I am proud of the fact that I was cheated on,
Because I no longer have that weak-willed person by my side
I am proud of the fact that I was lied to,
Because I was shown compassion, remorse, and guilt
Because I was shown your true character
Because I had a chance to learn and grow out of my naiveté
I was proud to be single
Because that means that I was able to focus on me
Because that means I was able to make myself better for the future
Because that means that I built myself up for the one that truly matters
I am proud for all my hardships
Because that means that I know how to make do with little means
Because that means I can survive under pressure
Because that means I’ve learned to be happy and appreciate all that I’ve got
I am proud of my pain and tears and minute sources of happiness
Because that means that I’ve been living
Because that means I’m facing everyday…
I look back and regret nothing!

Its about that time...

Yup, its almost time to move out like,

• me n my mother, 
• me coming home when i want, 
• me lazing about doing nothing, 
• me not having to worry about someones constant nagging about me lazing about doing nothing, 
• me having to clean up other peoples mess, 
• me having my own personal space...

yep its about that time to leave the nest...but not just yet.... no-ho-hooooo
we need money for that!
and the time to look for an affordable spot.

do i want a 1 bedroom apt? do i want roommates? do i wanna just rent a room?
i need to think this through...

i give myself 1 more year, maybe 2 before i get completely fed up and say fuck it, im out!
my tax return money is going towards this move and my mother needs to clear up these bills she has in my name!

yup im not moving out before she does that!

One day...

Someone will write something like this about me...


(from leaveyouapen)

the "m" word

a few times my firends have asked me do i ever see myself getting married. and i would always say there has to be someone involvedfor me to even think about it.

but in truth, yes i ahve thought about it, yes i have the color scheme picked out, yes i have where i want it in my head, yes i have my bridal party picked out, yes i know who my maids of honor are... but who the groom is is a mystery to me...

have i seen myself married to a specific someone,,?....yes
have i thought about having kids with said specific someone?... yes, i even have the names picked out

but am i with that specific someone.... no, things didnt work out and im ok with it now. people grow apart and change its the way of life.

but the notion or idea of being married is forever stuck with me and after that whole palm reader claiming that i will get married in 2 years, i have to wonder who will win me over in such a short amount of time and if he'll be worth all the heartache ive been through in the end...

long term flings vs longest relationship

so i was out with my best friends last week and we got into a conversation of our longest flings/boyfriends that lasted more than a month since jhs/hs....

out of the three of us we all had at least five people. including at least one boyfriend. i realized that i had more long term flings thananything else and after that it was all just long term sex friends. (or lollipops as my girl thania calls them)

and it jsut makes me feel like i am not good enough to be in a long term relationship with. sure i didnt mind the flings, sure i thought of them as monagamous, sure i envisioned us as being somethinf more but it never worked out.

again with the feelings of inadequacy...

i didnt mind the flings but im at that point where i want something more in my life, i want the stability of that one person to talk to , to kis, to make love to, to love and be loved back....

and right now no one is up for the position

Still waiting for that first date...

Yea i said it I am 23 years old and i have yet to have someone ask me on a date. yea i have gone out with a guy one on one but still inno way shape or form have either one of us called the outtings a date...

Sad isnt it?...

I want this month to have at least three dates. i want to enter 2013 from being dateless to having the experience of it. i dont care if it was good or bad, if the food sucked, if the wiaters were terrible , if the entertainement was dull, or the place had no ambiance.

i want to have that first date.

relationship crap can come at another time. that in itself is a whole nother story....