Feeling....Lost

Its nothing new, I've been feeling like this for a while. i dont know  which direction im heading in on the road im taking i just know what i want my destination to be.

However, its taking me a while to find my resolve and plan the steps for it. I know what i want to do and how i should do it but my drive to get things started is gone.

Its like i need to find myself all over again.

And i dont want to take that route... i changed my hair, my attitude, my perspective.. and im comfortable in my skin, but what am i changing now?

My heart is just not into anything anymore.. and try as i might to ignore and deny its still stuck on one person.

I guess bffle was right when she said i needed to get him out of my system. And as much as i say i am over him, i guess its still not completely true in its entirety. What i feel (how i wish i could say felt right now) for im is nothing compared to what i felt for my first love.

its so much more.

I have days when i can go without thinking about him, moments where i forget my feelings, but times like this.. holiday seasons, nights alone, and i just wish i could go back to those couple hours spent in his bed, wrapped in his arms, with his lips on mine...

Wishful thinking gets me nowhere...

Its like im torturing myself over and over again knowing that we cant get back to that no matter how much i wish we could, but i need this time alone to figure myself out, maybe more time out of school maybe just time needed away from here... from all that reminds me of him.

Serenity

If there's one thing i learned throughout my 23 years of existence is that people are stupid and they do the most randomest shit to piss you the fuck off!

Also there is nothing you can do to change their stupidity other than feed into it or blatantly ignore them.

I choose the latter.....

Right now, once again, i am highly annoyed and frustrated and the serenity prayer is helping me cool down along with a dose of three days grace and breaking benjamin...

Honestly i can't wait til i find a new job doing something i absolutely enjoy!

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

i hate this place...

i hate her....

i hate this work.....

FMWL!

(fuck my work life!)

Decline of the Good Mood

Despite my surprising tiredness this morning, i text my friend back in a surprisingly good mood and was all chipper like and right now i'm pissed the fuck off trying not to curse out my coworker or anyone that comes here in blatant ignorance of filling out forms or check questions. 

Honestly, i don't know how this day turned so wrong... maybe i'm fuckstrated maybe i just need alcohol, all i know is i'm annoyed as hell that it shows on my face.

Even my friend here in the office was like whats wrong... it started off with this lady not even paying attention to this form she was filling out to this lady i'm working with (always cussing or mumbling under her breath about something) saying how i left work for someone ELSE to do and not do anything about it

...................................................................breathe

Any who its getting further into distribution day and we're setting up and me being me i check off what i have and leave everything on their spots for me to put away later. Normally when i'm done checking everything, i put everything away that one time so i don't have to walk back and forth. 

And you-know-who just had to open her mouth and say something. I'm already trying to hold it in from earlier and now she's seriously pissing me off. I really just need to curse her out one time and be done with it cause this woman and these stupid ass people are gonna send me to an early grave with all the stress they piling on me.

..................................................................WHOOOOOOSAAAAAAAAAA!