Philosophical Mornings: Clean & Reflect

As my last blog post of 2013, im trying to hurry up and write so i can eat and finish cleaning my room before i head out with the Missus Mocha tonight. In my house its tradition to clean everything, and i mean everything for the new year. We get rid of old clothes, do laundry, clean from top to bottom, and burn it (frankinscence and myrrh... its a carribean thing) So right now moms is at the laundry washing the last loads and im cleaning the last thing in the house that needs to be cleaned.... my room.

For those of you that dont know me too well, my room is an organized mess. But a mess nonetheless and it never stays clean past a few days, a week at most. I get lazy busy, and i just dont see the point when im just a messy person in MY contained area. Ill keep everywhere else neat and tidy but my room kinda reflects the clutter of my mind i guess.

And here we'll talk about reflections...

So looking back on 2013, there were a lot of ups and downs in my love life, mostly downs and 'wtf's am i still doing with him when i should really let him go?'. With work i was as easily frustrated especially with that one woman 'This Bitch" that i am so glad to be getting away from come february. i was worried with school and doing the work of others.

ASOM didnt really have a good year but we're changing that in 2014 and already having vending spots coming up. We also learned to really look at the demographics for our line when choosing vending events Also from last nights events and speaking with Imani of Tribe Called Curl, she invited the team out to speak at their next event =) And apparel line coming in the Spring!

Hair wise, ive tried a lot of new products and found my staples in Mixed Chicks, Alikay Naturals, and Shea Moisture. Dont get me wrong everything else ive tried was awesome too Luscious Locks, Cantu, CB Smoothe, Ori Essentials, Edens Body Works, Wonder Curl,  Nubian heritage, Miss Jessie's (just the gel) but the first 3 really stuck out to me and i will continuously use them. I am so gad i started protective styling. I kinda missed the change in my features with longer, unruly hair but i love my fro hence why these styles will never last more than 6 weeks at most. I am also glad i finally colored my hair. That was something ive been wanting to do for the longest and even though it took forever, im glad that i did it with Shea Moisture which was the safest option for a natural to coloring their hair at this point in time.

Body wise, i finally gained weight. Im trying to get back to 130 as i was in high school when i ran. Even if it was more muscle than fat back then im trying to get back to that weight. 135 at the most. Its just that ive been stuck at 120-125 since junior high school, the same thing with height. I just want that one thing to change so that the only thing im working on. Health wise im good, aside from my small issue on my ovary with the hematoma. That burn i suffered from with the Black Soap and ACV has long since been taken care of. Which im happy about. i dont really care for my facial features but that made me really self conscious.

School wise, im so hoping to get into Hunters School of Social Work. I really need to get back to my grind with getting my masters. So im working on that as well. i just need my recommendations (joy). Purpose wise. I know what i want to do in life and im taking the steps towards that. I just know that in the end i want to open my own youth center.

My state of mind this year, has not been clear, but neither has my life been either. It was indecisive and stagnant. It was stuck really. But now i made a list of everything ive wanted to try as was the first philosophical mornings post and this year will be the slow start of making my way down the list.

I hope everyone takes the time to sit back at some point today and reflect on the year. I dont mean to look for all the changes but the really big ones, like letting people go, new experiences, new friends, finding out your goals/your purpose, etc.

DO it while you clean lol...

Happy New Years Eve!
A.Soul

Philosophical Mornings: Get Checked

I'm not a health nut or anything, i'm prone to forget a doctors/dentist appointment... or hold them off til i cant take the pain anymore. But after a phone call from an ex of mine (the jerk), I had made my first appointment with my GYN about 3 years ago when he accused my person of giving him an STD... needless to say that conversation didn't pan out well 

-___-

Any who, got myself checked found out yes i did have... blah blah blah.. all curable with a pill, i'm clean. But ever since then i've taken sexual education./protection more carefully... and partners as well. 

I'm saying this because i have a pelvic sonogram appointment today for them to tell me if i have cysts on my ovaries or not. My cycle of late has me experiencing more painful menstrual cramps than ever and my pre-cycle cramps are getting worse. My left ovary has a mind of its own when releasing the egg (that's whats its called that premenstrual pain) and before it was unnoticeable now it leaves me wondering if my period is coming sooner rather than days later cause it just hurts that bad.

There's that and then there's the pain in certain positions during sex... how i miss those positions. I didn't matter size or girth or the guy... just that the pain outweighed the pleasure in my favorite position -__- joy

So i brought it up to a friends girlfriend and she told me that i might have cysts (this was a couple months before i found out about the std) and i didn't get it checked since then. I should it would have save me a lot of unnecessary pain (as i write this i feel a throb in the area). Now how bad the cysts are will determine if i'm able to have children in the future. 

And as for my teeth.. my dentist says i have perfect teeth... they just dont know why the hell my wisdom teeth came up crooked pushing the teeth in front of it and cracking the others leaving me to get a root canal and over the summer having one pulled. and now the tooth that got the root canal has to gt scraped of decay cause its sensitive after they killed the nerve..... that was not a fun experience and i only got it halfway done (forgot about the second appt and im really paying for it now).

So i remind you all to get checked often.. get your physical, make sure your shots are up-to-date, make sure your clean of infections/diseases, speak to your doctor about any issues you have (like i want to see my gyn about birth control to see about these cramps an such)..just dont become a hypochondriac! and visit your dentist twice a year.. bad teeth are a turn off and does affect your health in the long run.

A.Soul

#mattersoftheheart

Philosophical Mornings: Give Thanks

Seems like this should have been done during thanksgiving, well nope it wasn't. Not for no special reason either i was just to busy to really sit down and consider what i was thankful for other than the generic- family friends, having a roof over head, food in my stomach and a good job.....

Yea, lets get started on that last one.

My job.. now for those of you that are new to reading my posts you know i have some issues with my workplace, specifically one woman and a lot of different aspects. Now I am a passive aggressive person and I let things slide cause im not one for confrontation. I will go so far as to ignore and just go about my business as usual, interacting when only absolutely necessary if our relationship requires it. Other than that you're cut off.

Now with this woman, any time i complain  vent about her i entitle the post 'This Bitch' i havent posted cause like i said, i ignore her, but... this bitch decided to take my standoffish approach to her to my supervisor (she aint name no names) but i knew she was talking about me. So i told my supervisor that i had no problems with her, we're in separate areas, the 'bitch' stays in the back and we only interact when necessary (like i have to give her forms or its time to set up/handle distribution)... in my head, i was listing off everything i didnt like about her, but did say it out loud.. absolutely not. the words that came out of my mouth were...

"So I'll be leaving soon"

Yep ya girl got herself a new job all thanks to her mama! I love my mother so much for this. You have no idea how much i  love my mother for this. The sub-para pool opened up in the DOE so with a recommendation form one of the principals she works for i was able to get in. And they fast tracked me. so whenever i finish my requirements ill be good, there is no waiting for a job at the end either. i have one ready. I am soooooooooooooooooo happy.

I am beyond thankful for my growth and experience from working with Hunter, no doubt, but that job had no room for growth and my supervisor even said that. She was happy for me and i was happy that i had them as my first job. It wasnt difficult and i didn't face any hug trials, but i learned.. more patience and tolerance, my own stressors, my release for stressors (gonna miss my central park lunch breaks!) and generally that being stuck in an office all day, having no real time off was not for me.

i am finally starting on my career path in youth counseling and i am on that road with my peers and i have my mother at my side to help me. My girl Krystal (in her last year of grad school - congrats) inspires me to hurry up and get the ball rolling on my grad degree. My girl Tiyanna (having finished her own degree at Hunter SSW) is like my mentor right now and wants to help me in any way i can if  when i get into the program. And the Purposefully Pretty team is helping me grow in my skills as a mentor. And i have so many people that wants to help in the business aspect of my jewelry (love all the advice btw).

And all of the experiences i gain will help in the long run when i finally decide to open my own youth development center/home. (its a youth development/community center/shelter for runaways/homeless)

So i am happy and ready to move on in the world! Wish me luck!

A.Soul
#mattersoftheheart

Philosophical Mornings: Give Back

Ok so this post is a little late in the making.. like i wrote it on my tablet and forgot to post it from last week kind of late.. but who cares its on now! lol

So last week i had taken the opportunity to participate in two volunteer activities for New York Cares. For those of you that don't know, New York Cares is a large non-profit organization that sole purpose is volunteering within the community/across the world. You do an orientation either online or in person and from then on pick which activities fits you. They range from dealing with young children (tutoring, arts and crafts, community cleanup, etc) to senior citizens to special needs to beautifying certain parks/areas. They have more well know activities like soup kitchens, coat drives, toy drives, and such.

So last Tuesday, I was at a center for the blind called VISIONS i was with a group called creative expressions and there we were doing arts and crafts with the visually challenged/impaired. And it was so much fun. When i got there, i was a bit late since i ended up on the east side and it was over on the West, so i had to wait a bit for more people to come in. the room was small but had many projects and supplies in there. I was paired with a lovely older woman named Shannon, she was heavily visually impaired but not completely blind. She runs her own meetup group at the center under the name Moonpie and i was called moonpie so many times that night. She was so sweet and it was great working with her. i helped her decorate two drawstring bags that she was going to give away as Christmas presents to her friends. I felt good after spending time with her.

And friday (the day after thanksgiving) i joined my friend Marcy at the Queens Library for Teens in Far Rockaway. There we were setting up Christmas decorations at the center. We were a large group and, there were many volunteers from NYCares and the center itself. Also as the students came in they were separated into each of the groups that were there to help out with each window display. We were given food and interacted with the teens making conversation, asking them about their interests, answering questions that they asked us. It was a good experience.

All in all, this post was to show that it pays to give back. Whether its something small or big, you'll feel good afterwards. I sure did. And im sorry that it took me so long to start volunteering since i did my orientation over the summer.

Find the time to give back, donate, volunteer, lend a shoulder/ear to someone who needs it. Or even seek help if you're the one that needs it.

-A.Soul
#mattersoftheheart

Philosophical Mornings: Try Something New

Hey all, so i've been thinking for a while of my plans for my 25th birthday and my main thing is to go to a gun range. Why? you ask, well why the hell not and i think it would be cool to learn. not as a from of protection, not trying to look tough, not to be liscenced in carrying a weapon.. but all for the sake of trying something different. Of going outside my own box. of venturing outside my norm.

There are so many things i want to try and i want people to do it with me. I want others to experience that elation of trying something that we've never done beofre. Something that maybe one day crossed our minds but never really gave it any thought.

So i put together a list:

• Gun Range
• Archery
• Guitar
• Rock Climbing
• Knitting/Crotchet
• Learn to swim
• Balloon Ride
• Ziplining
• Bungee Jumping
• Skydiving
• Roadtrip through all 50 States (eventually)
• See auroras lights
• Try food from all over the world (actually visiting other countries)
• Travel to Australia, France, Ireland
• Go to Jamaica (visit fam)
• Go go-karting
• Ride a horse
• Hike a mountain/go camping & see the stars

All these things and more are stuff that i want to try one year or many down the line. Call it a bucket list of sorts if you want. I've already looked in archery, gun range, guitar, and rock climbing and those are actually in one of the boroughs around me. And im happy to start some where. 

Its just feels like im stuck in the same routine day in and day out that my heart feels heavy. Well it feels heavy for so many other things really but nothing sparks excitement in me as it did before. And everyday something should spark a piece of happiness. At least i believe it to be that way.

I hope you guys start making your own list and get out there and experience the world.

KCB.

#mattersoftheheart

Philosophical Morning: Matters of the Heart

Whats this all about you ask.. well it is as i call it. i had a philosophical moment this morning and it was all because of 'him' they guy that i have loved for the past three years, the guy who i confessed to only to be shot down, the guy who i leaves me feeling all kinds of topsy-turvy since i dont know where exactly we stand...

Yea, him...

anyway he posted something on IG and posed the question...

"Is love and undeniable feeling or something of choice?"

Of course i straightaway thought of it as an undeniable feeling, hopeless romantic that i am, it catches you off guard, it overwhelms your entire being, it fills you with an indescribable emotion for said unsuspected person... but you also have to choose to acknowledge that feeling.

Love can catch you off guard if you dont leave yourself open to experience it. 

So i left this comment under his picture

An undeniable feeling that builds from choice.. choice of partner, of letting go your fears/disbelief of letting someone in, on building that friendship to relationship to something more.. its acknowledging and acting on it that is the game changer -@Acoustique_Soul

One thing is for certain, the heart knows who it wants before the mind plays catch up 

So yea, i hope he finds who hes looking for , i already know that im not it.. hes given me no reason to believe its me and im fine with the emotional distance on both ends.

Yes i want to knock him one on the head for the BS emotions hes made me feel but its not his fault he is a great guy and i wish him all the happiness in the world. And i am mature enough to know that love cannot be forced, it must be achieved on its own. And when the paths do no merge, its okay to let go. Let each party find their 'home' with other people who will love them the same if not more than you once did.

We all deserve that happy ending with that someone who makes us the center of their world.

 #mattersoftheheart