My Awesome Weekend: Afro Punk & Fam Water Fight

I had an awesome weekend. I went over to Afro Punk Fest with my girl Krystal and her friend Irene.

We were trying to go kyaking by the Brooklyn bridge but you know ppl on CP time (ie Me) and we got there a bit too late. So we're trying for next weekend. Im bringing Mom and Jaden (maybe chris too),  f we dont go there then i want to go boating in the Central Park lake (which was the original idea). Any who, this years fest was a bit more organized and definitely bigger than last year. I must say i was pleased with the three stages, beer areas (Redd's Apple Ale a new fave) the music (Dead Prez also a new fave) and the vendors.

 

Followed by my friends bday bbq/game night.. and that was the end of my Saturday. Sunday i was supposed to head to the beach with a few of my old club memebers but decided to have a water fight with lil man instead. Got my other bros and mom to go with and we all headed over to flushing meadows park...

 

  let me say this.. we argued over location and the boys were iffy about coming but omg it was much fun!

but that was my weekend.. most fun filled one ive had all summer i must say =)

This is About Him...

I'm a huge contradiction when it comes to him, i say i want to leave him a lone, for us to stop stalking, for me to let go.. but i cant. I have even gone through the process of not contacting him via social media or my phone (deleting his number; blocking his feed on my fb timeline).. thought about him less and less, but when it came down to it, i couldn't help not knowing if he was doing alright, i couldn't not answer his text in the end, i couldn't say no to seeing him...

Whoever said distance makes the heart grows fonder forgot the loneliness, and the wonder, and pessimism that also follows....

These past few days has been interesting for the two of us.. we've been talking more... like every day for almost a week, which i still cant get over. its just something i haven't been used to lately and i don't know if i want to either.. he's still in another state and he's a terrible communicator... so these consecutive days will end at some point.

When he came to see me the other night, it was the usual thing, we hang out for a bit, make-out, get a bit touchy feel-y but this time, we danced in the street to John Legends 'Made to Love', he held me as if he didn't want to let go as if he was memorizing the lines of my body, engraving them in his mind, massaging away my tension, kneading away my troubles, i laid in his lap while John Mayer's' Gravity' played in the background, i didn't believe it when he said the song made him cry but when i felt it for myself, i just kissed away his tears.

Our romantic moments are what make me stay. And there are so many things that he says or does that make me believe in something for us, but at the same time i fear being rejected a second time around from him. It took a lot of 'something' ( i say something because it was never supposed to send, it was meant to be a different email but came out as a confession) in me to send him that email that was an unfinished thought on telling him why and how much i love him.

This time around i am not biting my tongue trying to hold it in. Its not on the edge as much anymore. And as much as i love our romantic moments, the idea of the elusive 'more' has not been trying to get out of me as being more than an idea. I think i have long since accepted the fact that 'more' doesn't apply to us.

And I'm okay... i think.

Last night, while he slept in my bed, surrounding me with his heat, keeping me close even when he turned away (boy is he a turner in his sleep)... he would always draw me back into his arms when he turned back to face me.. i smiled at the possessiveness he displayed at wanting me near him even in his sleep (this dude literally hauled me up from when i was on my stomach bringing my back to his front and wrapped his arm around me.. in my head i was like dude seriously.. but i smiled)

But i couldn't help but to wonder what are we exactly? what am i to him?  if he talks about me to his friends, what does he call me? am i just Kameeka, am i just some girl he messes with, am i the side chick, am i his girl?

these questions weigh on my mind, my tongue, my heart... but i don't have it in me to voice it out loud. i don't want to shatter the illusion that we've built for ourselves in the dark. i don't want to break the bond that we've formed these past 3 years..

but the spell has to be broken at some point.. the thing is when reality settles in where will we, or rather i, be left standing? and when will be my breaking point at keeping everything to myself?

Poem: Trying to Be by KC Burke

These past couple of days
i have felt
lost
in my own
skin
i look in the mirror
barely recognizing
my own reflection
i feel out of place
at home
work feels like a memory
that im trying to relive
habits are unnecessary
and feel forced
unreal
conformity
to my own past actions
inhibit
future
intentions
my motivation to do anything
or more
is
lacking
my feelings, feel
fake and
stagnant
i am in a rut
with
my emotions
i am as i feel
and i feel
empty

KCB.

Don't Forget to Call

I got my last warning at work today about not calling in if i'm going to be out

:::Sigh:::

it wasn't entirely intentional to miss work... i had been feeling nauseous all of last week cause of my red flow and it never came up. and then i woke up late on top of it on Thursday (at the time i would have been stepping foot in the office) and i just went back to sleep.

I knew i should have called but i didn't

it was my fault and my lack of responsibility that put me in this predicament. Its not the first time this has happened either. I don't make it a habit to forget to call. Its just i don't.

Well now that she made it clear that i would be let go if it does happen again, I sure as hell wont be forgetting in the future.

Besides i should really be looking for a new job... as i've written many times before.

She even brought it up, that i should be looking for a full time job, not because she wants to let me go but because, no matter how good i am at what i do here, its not my career choice.

I thank her for that because that's definite motivation for my not being stuck here.

So i will not forget to call, cause i need this job to last until i find just what it is im looking for.

Poem: Constant Looper by KC Burke

i am stuck
in a continuous loop
of
letting go
forgetting
remembering
and taking you in

my heart
is in
constant
turmoil
with this
back
and
forth

and
i

i
am trying
to find the
fork in the road
my wrongs turns
need to make
right

Hair care: Horsetail Oil

So sometime last year i think i made a list of new oils i wanted to try, mostly after researching oils to help with my aunts hair loss and growing bald spots since she went natural. She finally BC'd but the hair loss from weaving was that great and she had bald patches all over her head.

Le Sigh...

So i was gona make her a growth oil mixture with castor oil, burdock root, nettle, rosemary, horsetail, and other carrier oils, such as jojoba, carrot, avocado, sweet almond to balance it all out. Well i finally bought the horsetail oil and ive been using it for the past week or so. I dont like to give someone something without trying it first.

And let me tell you i suck at trying new things cause you know you're supposed to do the before and after pic's and i never remember, until after i start using it like now

:Shrug:

But any who like ive been saying, ive been using horsetail oil for the past couple of weeks or so, and my scalp reacted to it like the first use of JBCO. it was itching like crazy. Ive been using it in my oil mixture to seal my hair and grease my scalp mid week, but this time i used it in my oil mixture for a hot oil treatment.

OH MY FRACK! where is the relief?!

seriously it went on like that for a little over 2 weeks before i got used to it. Now I'm just like whatevs and keep it moving. I don't use the oil more than 3x out of the week... when i first wash sunday and maybe 2 days after to grease my scalp (10-15min scalp masage) then another two days later for the same reason and then wash day again sunday. using it more than that will cause hair to become dry and brittle or so they say but im not taking any chances.

i've gotten a lot of growth since then, and my hair despite it always being full and thick, seems to be a bit more fuller lately. and i love it!

I do reccommend that you give it a try. there are horsetail capsules if you want to give that a try as well, but i highly reccommend you speak to your physician before you add that to your vitamin regimen. and yes there are the leaves so you can do your tea rinses or drink it as tea... but again with oral consumption speak to your physician first.

enjoy your journey!

ASOM Designs Feature

Almost forgot we did this, but the team and i did a feature request for out girl Diamond's Purposefully Pretty campaign for the month of the July.

and its finally ready =)

Check it out! (click here)

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Style Post & Product Review

Hey all, so monday i wrote my review on the mixed chicks products and you know my take on the shampoo (great cleanser & clarifyer.. very stripping), deep treatment (EX-CEL-LENT), and leave-in (great).

What i forgot to mention was my styling aide or moisturizing creme for the 'C' of the LOC method. Out of July's CurlKit we got both a curling custard and a creme moisturizer. I used the CB Smoothe - Moisturizing Styling Creme off of their new product line, Smooth Naturally.

"MOISTURIZING STYLING CREME: Infused with Organic Goji Extract & Organic Carrot Oil. Great for twisting, braiding, wash and go or other natural styles. Adds moisture and shine without weighting down your hair. via website 

Yea, yea great... where can i find the ingredients to share with you lovely people.. obviously not on their site.. to google we go! =)

 or not.. clearly they're not cool like that.. sigh



any way...

nice scent, a little heavy feeling (feels like wet puddy) but still a lightweight creme, didnt leave my hair feeling sticky or greasy, or leave any residue behind, i used it to flat twist my hair and i took the twist out this morning cause yesterday my hair was still a bit damp from air drying.

 i tried to re-twist and have a nice curly fro last night but i started late and my hair was still a bit damp so the curls did not stay like i wanted it too (#fail) so i played around with it and ended up with a donut roll (top bun) & back pony tail...

its cute works for my look for today.. maybe ill try my whole head like this one day... make even parts and at least four/five donut rolls around my head... we'll see