Memorial Day at BAM Bazaar & ASOM Designs

A bit late but yeah.. Monday Krys & I headed over to the Brooklyn Academy of Music (BAM) to check out the bazaar full of vendors selling various goods from african drums to fabrics, from jewelry to music, from clothing to bags.. and food of course

This has only been my second year going and i must say i enjoy it every time. Not overly excited by how crowded it gets but i love to see the creativity in others works, the hair and clothing...

We advertised, gave out cards and had pics of our work to show others. Krys was my PR person, had he who spiel with how she talked to others, we took pics for other people, and even got some mentions of working on a few collaborations. We had a good time!

Shit i need to get off my chest..

Closure, everyone one needs it whether they want to admit it to themselves or not... there are always those questions of the 5 Ws that linger after thngs fall apart...

And even though i say to myself i'm over him, i still have those sleepless nights where hes all i think about, i still have those feelings that i swear i finally got over, i still want him hear and i feel like any, if they ever occur at all, intimate relationship that i have with a guy in the future will be based off of him...

I love him...

i dont want to, but i do.

And sometimes i cant help but hate it... but i need to get his off my chest ( it may sound like a repeat of things ive posted before but this is what i feel, constantly)

I miss him like cray, his touch, his embrace, his kiss, his voice, his laugh.. just everything. I miss the beginning stages of when we used to talk and say what we liked about each other, i miss the conversations we had even if they pried to far into taking me out of my comfort one, i miss listening to him speak with such passion about doing the things he love.. they way his eyes would light up... i miss seeing the desire/ lust in them at something unexpected i would do to him... i miss the cuddling, i spending the nights with him...

I found out i really hate sleeping alone, sometimes i would wake up in the middle of the night (at the times he would use to call me to come over to jus make out or lay down with him for a while) and just lay there thinking of him... there was one night he called me over and he was sick with bronchitis and we couldnt really kiss like we usually do, but i still wanted to, well we both did... no french kissing involved just a lot of tracing of lips with the others, some biting and nibbling, sucking of spots on ears and neck... id say one of our most intimate moments ever...

and i miss that the most.. the level of intimacy we shared... hell the fact i opened up so much of myself still amazes me... another night for some reason sparked the conversation of why i am the way i am emotionally, why i put things off and seem as if i dont care or why i just take things in stride... in his guess he guessed right and saw through my facade and i shut down on him... it wasnt intentional it just i keep so much of myself closed off that it scared me he saw that much and i hated the vulnerability i felt in that moment...

but he surprised me in saying that hes glad that the guy who made me this way broke my heart, that he was the only one who got to see the soft side of me.... i have a love/hate with this cause he made me open up so much to him, he pried down my walls, he made me "feel" things i havent felt in a long time and says shit like that and still he doesnt feel the way i do.. he cares i know but i feel so inadequate adn used by him and i hate myself for continuing to allow it

i feel inadequate that i never seem to be enough for these guys.. they take what they want from me physically and i let them cause initially it was the same for me but they start to go outside the physically and get emotional & intimate that i cant help the way i fall sometimes..

its not fair.. im tired of feeling like this, im tired of being in perpetual heartache, im tired of not being enough to get the title but the benefits instead... im just so tired of it all

i want to be happy

im tired of faking being ok

.... i really need to find a way to tell him this, the weight on my chest is getting heavy again

I'm a Cheap Shopper...

yep i said it..

I dont really like to spend  money unless its absolutely necessary for me to do so... Im frugal, put myself on a budget (and still at times end up spending more than i have and scrape by until the next check), and im even worse when other people as me to watch their money for them... it better be life and death for you to want it before the time you asked me to give it back to you lol...

I hate scraping by so...

I try to limit my spending to little or nothng at all... i hardly go shopping all my stuff are a few years old except for a few recent purchase, and even those didnt cost me much

Long Line Open Knit Sweater: H&M ( 2-3 years old)
Top: Conway $10.99 - $12.99 ( i think)

Bottom: Conway $5.98 

Flats: Telco $6.99

See i dont spend much on myself.. except for bills, phone, metro, food, savings, and now the jewelry (& soon to be apparel) ASOM... 

Also dont sleep on Cheapy Cheap stores as my girl Charita (aka CherrieAmore) talks in about in her post.

Thrift stores are next on my list... Unique on Jamaica Ave lookout casue i get paid next week lol!

Why now?

Lounging around in my bed on facebook... playing Candy Crush (whole new addiction) when i get that little pop sound of a new message... and guess who its from?!

Guess!

None other than Mr. I-Dont-Feel-The-Same-Way himself!

Why can't he just let me go in peace, i've been doing good lately... i havent tried to contact him since his birthday a couple of weeks ago, my mind still conjures up thoughts of him but i dont entertain them long, i only speak of him when asked... so why cant he just let me go...

We didnt date, we didnt take titles, we were never in a relationship just a fling that lasted too long..

so really,

I wish my subconscious feelings never made themselves know, i wish i never acknowledged them, i wish i never sent that email.. but then again im glad that weight was off my chest for the time... i just made myself numb as usual with his rejection

Sucks but it works for me.. i am a suppressor when it comes to my feelings; so for me to even let you in, let you know how i feel.. its a lot you know

and for two guys to reject me after playing on my heartstrings... its just a bit much on my own insecurities in my self...

so again i ask, why now? why is he making something of an effort now?

This Bitch (3)

it really is too early for this shit... i havent even been in the office for 5 minutes before she had to open her mouth and say something!

I am tired, the train was running late, and im hungry...
Never a good combo for me to be nice to anyone in the morning, but i manage....
most times.

SO here's what happened... she obviously cannot remember/follow instructions on where to send a certain stub after i repeatedly told her on multiple occasions so i said to myself, why dont i just leave a note so she'll know for the next time cause maybe i'm not getting through to her...

Let me tell you.. i really hate repeating myself, so for her to say don[t leave her notes like a 2 yr old of course i had to say something... well if you had listened and done it right after i repeatedly told you i wouldnt have to.. duh

Listen, i've been working here almost 5 years and she has been here less than one.. you would think that after managing it on my own before she came here that i would know where everything is supposed to go right?...

sigh...

im glad im meeting with the girls tonight need a distraction from 'her'

Tumblr Quote...

Product Review: Shea Moisture Yucca & baobab w/ Biotin & bamboo

So i bought some new Shea Moisture products a few weeks ago off the Yucca & Baobab w/ Biotin & Bamboo Extract line (the green one) while shea moisture was having its sale on the Walgreen's site.

With new products i usually give them 2 weeks on my hair before i switch to something else (or at least thats what i started doing lately.

The first week with the Thickening & Growth Milk & Mist wasn't all great. My hair didnt take to well to it at all and left it feeling dry and just yuck. The Anti-breakage masque felt fine in my hair but after i washed it and put the milk & my oils in.. it didn't stay moisturized.. i did the LOC method pretty much everyday of last week.

SIGH

This week, the second week, went so much better.

I got a bit more in tune with the shea moisture products. I did an overnight pre-poo with my oils, the anti-breakage masque and the nubain heritage growth & streghtening masque. I followed a by a Designs Essentials Suflate Free Curl Cleanser, the JBCO Protein Conditioner (with added oils) for 2 hours or so; and then the Anti-Breakage Masque pretty much all day & overnight as treatment. I saw a lot less hair on my comb during the detangle process this week! Major Plus at that. I dusted my ends and this time i sealed my oils and the hair milk in with my whipped shea butter..

Results, Major, Major thumbs up!

Hair was & still is so fluffy!

Moisture lasted for days and re-twisting with the mist and milk, or the milk and oils gave good results! A lot less breakage and my hair does feel thicker lol, not that i needed that latter part. It did as it said it would, volumize, soften and thicken my hair! Do i recommend.. absolutely!

(Body Scrub & lotion: LOVE IT!)

Time to give KBB a go for the next two weeks!

ASOM Designs: Vending Experience

So we had our first vending experience this week. For @TheJoLoExperience 1 year Anniversary event, Jo had asked me if I wanted to set up and sell some earrings. Of course I wasn't going to say no. So I spoke to the other K's aka the The Team about it and they said sure. The ladies and i worked on getting the peices together. I didnt bring the whole inventory and i did rock some Afro Pick Earrings reserved fro the onine shop....

Photo Credit: @ChelleYvelle

                                     

photo Credit: @OnikaCCharles

                                         
The event was nice and it was a great turnout, the performers were asweome and i have a love for the band School Ov Thought, especially Ishmael Levy... his voice OMG! Their rendition of the Bob Marley song "Could you Be Loved" inspired a future valentines piece, pin, necklace/earring, t-shirt design lol

Lydia Ceasar, JoLo, Urica Rose, Mo Brown... Great Performers, Beautiful  Ladies

Anywho...

We have a facebook page and up and an instagram.. that doesnt look like much but you know its out there. I didnt take much pictures at the event. I interacted more with everyone that came up but friends that were there and photographers did for me.. i just need them to put it up.. like now! lol

It was a learning experience: Next time i know to have some candies on the table, more business cards, A MIRROR! and change, a better looking price list, the official banner, and knowledge of the adinkra symbols.

I cant wait til we get the tshirt and mens line going!!!!

if you cant tel im excited for the future, orders are coming in.. glad to see our hard work, determination, and perserverance starting to pay off!

But check us out, like the page... go through the pics

Late Nights & Late Mornings... I won a Giveaway!

so, ill be painting late tonight.. again

last night i was up til 1 painting, then 2 just to twist up my hair.. tonight i cant practice for my bosses retirement party (i choreographed a dance to the temptations Ain't to Proud to Beg) i need to go straight home and finish painting.. but its not much left, just a few more nefertiti's, the duafe's, one more of each afro head, then the ankhs... after that is the hooks/studs and the cords for the necklaces... you know, a lot..

sigh and the banner! Gotta thank kizz's friend for that!

Yup, ill be a busy bee tonight!

On a side note i won the KashTV giveaway on YT this week, last week it was the WonderCurl Detoxifying Clay Cleanser.. Yep things are looking up! =)

Afro Randoms...

young.black.nappy

ASOM Designs Update

So if you dont know.. ASOM Designs is a handpainted wooden accessories (earrings, necklaces, pins) that i have been working on for the past year. Originally it was supposed to be knit & crochet berets large enough to fit a naturals fro, but i switched over to earrings at some point when i bought from MoonRae jewelry and found out where she bought her supplies (thanks Samantha!!!)

Right..

So last christmas i did a few for fam & bday gifts just to see how everything would work out and it did fine. Everyone liked their earrings (even if they dont where them often) Right so now im getting into more colors and symbols and styles. and so far i have special order requests already! i love that everyone is supporting me even if i keep pushing back the online site some.

But its for a good cause.. I have  friend that's a Radio Host/DJ at my alumni school (Hunter College) who is having her one year anniversary show/party and asked me if i wanted to be a vendor for the show....

::screams::

Im so flipping excited the show is two days away and i have been painting like crazy since then.. well not really, had a bit of a lazy streak after i had my tooth pulled thursday, but yea, ive been painting like crazy since saturday night lol...

Even Krys (MochaNapps) came by!

We did these necklaces (still working on the cords) that are made according to krobo bead... they were made in Africa, glass beads & hand painted as well.. it was a feel good buy cause the lady i bought them from told me my order paid for four days of a workers compensation!

so yea, and the things is no two necklaces will ever be the same! even better!!!

In my drug induced state...

Sigh.. got a tooth pulled i must say that that shit was not cool especially when i woke up afterwards...

I texted things i shouldn't, i made phone calls..

oh gosh, i am completely and utterly embarrassed especially because i texted  HIM and told im i loved him, again and that its cool he didnt feel the same way....

FML! UGH!
i seriously had myself convinced that i didnt feel that way aymore i mean i didnt when he visited so why????

i looked at my phone hoping that it wasnt real, but it was,  it was there and did he respond at all... NO.

and this is why i cant have feelings for the guy anymore.

And my sister.. so i have an older half sister that i had the chance to reconnect with once i found out that she went to hunter. saw each other in passing, havent hung out yet, but there was some facebook msgs between her and my dad, and you know it never sat well with me how things turned out. i just want her to understand why he stayed away and for them to be able to sit and work things out. its family and i love them both but they can be so stubborn and headstrong thatits unbelievable...

did i say all of that.. no just that we should all sit down and talk.. me being the mediator is all.

like i said in my drug induced state im trying to salvage something out of nothing...

lol.. the phone calls though told mom and dad i loved them! and thats all that matters

bestie wanted to videotape me but the damn thing wore off before she got to me so boom, im safe lol