Don't Forget to Call

I got my last warning at work today about not calling in if i'm going to be out

:::Sigh:::

it wasn't entirely intentional to miss work... i had been feeling nauseous all of last week cause of my red flow and it never came up. and then i woke up late on top of it on Thursday (at the time i would have been stepping foot in the office) and i just went back to sleep.

I knew i should have called but i didn't

it was my fault and my lack of responsibility that put me in this predicament. Its not the first time this has happened either. I don't make it a habit to forget to call. Its just i don't.

Well now that she made it clear that i would be let go if it does happen again, I sure as hell wont be forgetting in the future.

Besides i should really be looking for a new job... as i've written many times before.

She even brought it up, that i should be looking for a full time job, not because she wants to let me go but because, no matter how good i am at what i do here, its not my career choice.

I thank her for that because that's definite motivation for my not being stuck here.

So i will not forget to call, cause i need this job to last until i find just what it is im looking for.

Poem: Constant Looper by KC Burke

i am stuck
in a continuous loop
of
letting go
forgetting
remembering
and taking you in

my heart
is in
constant
turmoil
with this
back
and
forth

and
i

i
am trying
to find the
fork in the road
my wrongs turns
need to make
right

Hair care: Horsetail Oil

So sometime last year i think i made a list of new oils i wanted to try, mostly after researching oils to help with my aunts hair loss and growing bald spots since she went natural. She finally BC'd but the hair loss from weaving was that great and she had bald patches all over her head.

Le Sigh...

So i was gona make her a growth oil mixture with castor oil, burdock root, nettle, rosemary, horsetail, and other carrier oils, such as jojoba, carrot, avocado, sweet almond to balance it all out. Well i finally bought the horsetail oil and ive been using it for the past week or so. I dont like to give someone something without trying it first.

And let me tell you i suck at trying new things cause you know you're supposed to do the before and after pic's and i never remember, until after i start using it like now

:Shrug:

But any who like ive been saying, ive been using horsetail oil for the past couple of weeks or so, and my scalp reacted to it like the first use of JBCO. it was itching like crazy. Ive been using it in my oil mixture to seal my hair and grease my scalp mid week, but this time i used it in my oil mixture for a hot oil treatment.

OH MY FRACK! where is the relief?!

seriously it went on like that for a little over 2 weeks before i got used to it. Now I'm just like whatevs and keep it moving. I don't use the oil more than 3x out of the week... when i first wash sunday and maybe 2 days after to grease my scalp (10-15min scalp masage) then another two days later for the same reason and then wash day again sunday. using it more than that will cause hair to become dry and brittle or so they say but im not taking any chances.

i've gotten a lot of growth since then, and my hair despite it always being full and thick, seems to be a bit more fuller lately. and i love it!

I do reccommend that you give it a try. there are horsetail capsules if you want to give that a try as well, but i highly reccommend you speak to your physician before you add that to your vitamin regimen. and yes there are the leaves so you can do your tea rinses or drink it as tea... but again with oral consumption speak to your physician first.

enjoy your journey!

ASOM Designs Feature

Almost forgot we did this, but the team and i did a feature request for out girl Diamond's Purposefully Pretty campaign for the month of the July.

and its finally ready =)

Check it out! (click here)

Etsy *  Facebook *  Instagram *  Pinterest

Style Post & Product Review

Hey all, so monday i wrote my review on the mixed chicks products and you know my take on the shampoo (great cleanser & clarifyer.. very stripping), deep treatment (EX-CEL-LENT), and leave-in (great).

What i forgot to mention was my styling aide or moisturizing creme for the 'C' of the LOC method. Out of July's CurlKit we got both a curling custard and a creme moisturizer. I used the CB Smoothe - Moisturizing Styling Creme off of their new product line, Smooth Naturally.

"MOISTURIZING STYLING CREME: Infused with Organic Goji Extract & Organic Carrot Oil. Great for twisting, braiding, wash and go or other natural styles. Adds moisture and shine without weighting down your hair. via website 

Yea, yea great... where can i find the ingredients to share with you lovely people.. obviously not on their site.. to google we go! =)

 or not.. clearly they're not cool like that.. sigh



any way...

nice scent, a little heavy feeling (feels like wet puddy) but still a lightweight creme, didnt leave my hair feeling sticky or greasy, or leave any residue behind, i used it to flat twist my hair and i took the twist out this morning cause yesterday my hair was still a bit damp from air drying.

 i tried to re-twist and have a nice curly fro last night but i started late and my hair was still a bit damp so the curls did not stay like i wanted it too (#fail) so i played around with it and ended up with a donut roll (top bun) & back pony tail...

its cute works for my look for today.. maybe ill try my whole head like this one day... make even parts and at least four/five donut rolls around my head... we'll see

Sunday Spa Day & Product Review: Mixed Chicks

Hi all, So Sunday was my Pamper Me day simply because i had the house to myself (mom left with little man to go to a friends church fair in CT  and Chris went to his girls house)

:::sigh..forever alone:::

Any who... had me a CurlKit sample spa day.. yep you heard me ive been hoarding these samples for a while now so i put them to use. I used Pooka's Mint n'Roses Spa Soak: It had dried roses, peppermint oil, epsom salt n fragrance... it said body n feet.. so i just dumped it in my tub.. it was ok, i had a nice soak and scrubbed my feet afterwards for my pedicure =)

I had the Yum Yum - Limoncello soy candle burning in the background while my Ed Sheeran station blasted from Pandora and i Candy Crush was on my tablet... yup i was savoring my spa time lol. The lemon scent was light and i enjoyed it mixed it with the roses and peppermint that filled my bathroom.

So while i was soaking my hair was soaking in ACV & Oil mixture cause i had od product buildup from the week. I was looking through my sample bag and was crossed between Giovanni's and Mixed Chicks, Mixed Chicks won simply because of the leave-in.

I had gotten two separate sample boxes which seemed like enough for my hair.


First off, I have a love/hate relationship with their Clarifying Shampoo.. works great as a clarifying my scalp felt awesome and was able to breathe but it stripped my hair something terrible. Like i haven't felt my ends that dry and suffering in a very very long time. But the deep conditioner saved it tremendously. And it is something that i will definitely purchase again in the future as a full sized product. I put that in and detangle my hair, it had slip but my hair was a mess from the shampoo so yea my head was tender afterwards.. le sigh. The leave-in works jsut as well too. I was happy with it and again would purchase a full size product in the future as well.

So i give the Mixed Chicks products i tried a 4.5/5 simply because of the clarifying shampoo stripping my hair. Other than it works great.. i kinda forgot why i was iffy on trying it (totally avoiding the ingredients right lol) but its cool. I may try their sulfate free shampoo if i can find a sample of it. If not the oh well.

Pics tomorrow for the hair =)

New Music

so my ipod has been at war with connecting to my laptop and vice versa so its been almost a year since i added any new music to it..

and now... for some odd reason they decided to end their dispute and i can finally add music =)

yay!

so of course ive been downloading and updating my ipod like crazy these past few days.. and been doing so using a youtbe converter cause lord knows im not paying for music and finding and downloading is just as much of a headache as it sounds...

ive come across a few new artists, ie Ed Sheeran & Imagine Dragons and some new albums from some of my favorites ie OneRepublic,M.I.A, Paramore and the like .. since ive been living under a rock it seems...

but the new artists Lianne La Havas and Allen \Stone are a must share if you love a funk, soul, indie rock type feel =)

And honestly its been a while since ive said that i can listen to a whole album without skipping songs and these two artists right here are on point.

Listen, Love, Download

Quote of the Day

I've been giving you love, and you've been giving me conjugal visits - Allen Stone, "Satisfaction"

.....all i have to say for this line right here is wow can this fit how i feel sometimes any better

Tell me about myself

So i was talking to one of my friends last night.. for over and hour we was sitting there catching up and shit.. singing 'push it' from salt n peppa over the phone (dont ask.. she started it) and HE came up...

i mean why wouldn't he.. we havent spoken in months for some reason and i felt the need to bring her up to speed with that. she's known about him from the beginning and has listened to everything thats been happening between us so far.. so the need to feel her in is an essential one.

OF course, she feels some type of way about him as my best friend does and they both agree that i have a weak spot for him and should let him go. i agree with them on that.. but not wholeheartedly. i want to let him go and then again i dont.

same with being in a relationship with him as well, should that question ever arise in the far distant future. I want but then again i dont. he has so many marks against him and its a constant push and pull on my emotions when dealing with him. he'll say one thing that makes me change my mind on letting go but then he does something that brings it back full force.

i told her this and she began to tell me about myself.. that its all because i love him. i cant move on because im stuck in a continuous cycle of being hurt and im holding onto that hurt making it impossible to get where i want to be romantically and emotionally with another person. 

that was the gist of what i got from her and she's right..

i am holding onto a lot of hurt despite the 'i dont give a fuck' facade i put on. its all there simmering underneath the mask. and no matter how much i can convince myself that im not bothered by it.

i am.

im hurt by my first love making me scared to give myself to someone else. im scared to tell someone how i feel because so far no guy has felt the same way, because so far ive been rejected twice by the guys that ive chosen to give my heart and body to. they'll take my body and i let them convinced that my heart is no longer a factor and i can use them as much as they use me. 

but it takes it toll in the long run.

my tongue has permanent teeth marks from my biting the words 'i love you' to hold still in my mouth. but still i hold fast to him because for now i dont want to let go. being on my own doesnt scare me, ive been on my own for the longest. its the loss of what i experienced with him that im scared of losing. its the loss of what he evokes from me.. that i dont want to give up.

but i want to at the same time. im tired of the teeth marks on my tongue. im tired of waiting for the other shoe to drop and the fear of him finally saying that he's tired of me not that hes given any indication of the sort.

i just want to let go of my feelings of inadequacies in terms of giving myself to another in a relationship.

Quote of the Day

"Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are." Niccolo Machiavelli

Simple, dont just hide behind your mask, dont hide who are you, but then again only open up to the people who matter to you just as much as you matter to them